Today I am perplexed (for awhile I have been) by three examples of people when I am chatting with some in counseling be it in person or online (Skype, Facebook, Email, etc.).
The first type of person is the one who messes up, makes mistakes and yet it is never their fault. This can be true in a few different areas. I knew of one staff pastor that had twelve positions in I believe 14 years which caused this person to become quite bitter. What is interesting is each place this person was at...it was the churches fault they left. There was absolutely nothing wrong with this person...according the them. Anytime a pastor goes through that many positions, how can you not sit back and think..."perhaps it is me and something needs to change." There is a flipside to this, if a single church goes through 12 pastors (be it staff or senior) in 14 years then their truly is something wrong with that church and it needs to change or in my opinion get shut down and restart it.
The second type of person I see relates to marriage. It never ceases to amaze me when one partner in a marriage is unfaithful (in one case I know someone that was unfaithful 3 times) and yet they don't seem to see anything wrong with it. If they do see something wrong with it, it appears to be a "whoopsie daisy" and they get upset when their partner cannot deal with the lies anymore and files for divorce. Divorce is a bad thing but even the Apostle Paul lays out reasons why it is okay. So, when the spouse that was hurt by the situation files for divorce....the offender makes that person out to be an awful person. There is TWO sides to every story...we must remember that in all situations.
The third type are those things that happen in churches. You know the situation where someone has hurt you so deeply that you walk with a limp (metaphorically speaking) after that situation. Perhaps you are wiser from the situation but still hurt none the less. My experience in these situations might ring true with many who have been treated unfairly in church. In my situation the ones who do the offending are the ones who usually will not apologize and require an apology from the one that got hurt. This plays out often when the offended chooses to discuss what happened, it ends that person needs to apologize according to the one that originally started it.
It is one of those things in life that does not make a whole lot of sense. We all have quirks, but if we are willing to look at ourselves honestly now and then...we will hopefully not fall into these that are blinded by their own actions.